As many of you know, I had a stomach virus recently. I don’t get sick often, but I decided to document my experience so I could come up with some ideas (when I got to feeling better) that might help other moms going through a similar situation. It is cold and flu season after all.
That being said...This was all I got. Sorry.
1. Become patient 0 in your household with the stomach bug.
2. Be sure you get it at 2:45 am so you are awake in misery as your kids sleep peacefully.
3. Not so peacefully, however, that you don’t have to run back to nurse the baby in roughly 1-5 different, clean sweatshirts (to help fend off the germs) between pukes.
4. Somehow survive the night and even get some sleep.
5. By “some” you mean exactly 11 minutes of sleep before your 3-year-old wakes for the day.
6. Try to explain what a sick belly is to a person who has never been sick.
7. Assume you’ll die answering the question “why?”, but finally get said tiny person to agree to being extra helpful for the day.
8. Child is calm and uncharacteristically agreeable while watching Blaze and the Monster Machines and eating cereal. Think to yourself, “maybe this won’t be so bad.”
9. Middle child wakes for the day.
10. Both kids sit and watch Blaze while sharing cereal.
11. Relax a little and let your guard down. You just may survive.
12. Baby wakes up, nurses, and is content to hang out in a swing next to the toddlers while playing with a teether.
13. The 20 min episode of Blaze goes to commercial.
14. Two-year-old poops.
15. Poopy toddler doesn’t want his butt wiped.
16. The extra helpful three-year-old runs off to get toys he typically restricts his brother from playing with you weakly wrestle a hysterical, smelly 2 year old.
17. As you finish up the butt wiping duties, the toy smuggling toddler strategically places every Duplo block in the house behind you.
18. Narrowly avoid stitches and pooping your own pants.
19. Eldest child remembers why he doesn’t like to share these toys with his brother. Kids argue - one wants to build a house and one wants to build a garage.
20. Convince kids to build a house WITH a garage.
21. They “can’t” do it. They need you to build it for them.
22. Construct an impressive house with a garage out of Duplo blocks while toddlers who “couldn’t” build it, instruct you on exactly how to do it.
23. Finish building and kids immediately decide they want to play with the train set.
24. Check on the dog that should’ve been fed a while ago.
25. See spilt cereal and get towels to clean it up.
26. Hear oldest kid frantically yelling and crying bc his brother “took his powers”.
27. Calm the powerless child down while middle kid cackles, and explain that his brother is only pretending - there aren’t any real powers to take.
28. Calm two hysterical toddlers who just found out their powers aren’t real.
29. Baby fusses.
30. Pick up babe and see empty dog bowl next to the table.
31. Remember to feed the dog.
32. Find dog.
33. Find dog eating the only pacifier the baby will take.
34. Try to save some portion of the pacifier.
35. Realize it’s not salvageable and give up.
36. Hear older kids yelling “cannnonball” over the baby’s fussing.
37. See toddlers jumping off of the couch onto all of the couch pillows thrown in the floor.
38. See toddlers jumping off of the couch onto all of the couch pillows thrown on the floor on top of the spilled cereal that didn’t get cleaned up.
39. Cry bc you are still sick and therefore you can’t drink wine.
40. Blaze ends.